I done gone did a presentation

Well, tried to. And, well, it sucked. Majorly. If there was an award for such a catastrophic suck, I do believe I would have been awarded it post haste.. Presentation not working, running out of time, the inevitable tear stricken panic attacks before and after along side sickly feeling and forgetting to breathe.. yeah, I don't do public performances brilliantly. I find it a bit amusing that it turned out exactly how I thought it would when I first read at Christmas we were doing presentations in term 2.

My tae kwon do instructor recently has been lecturing the children - and by this I mean ages 5 to 13 - on confidence in their gradings, saying if you don't have it, then quite simply fake it. I've heard this multiple times in my life, as public speaking or interaction with someone of whom I don't know is something I've always struggled with. This time it's resulted in me feeling like nothing more than a pathetic child for my response to such a simple task, the fact I can't even fake confidence in such a simple area which is me talking about something I like or dislike is incredibly disheartening.

I guess it's a good thing there's a second attempt at the same presentation, maybe this time I can appear less child like and make the amount of time I prepare for this actually show through my nerves. I can shorten the presentation easily, narrowing down what I focus on from my review and furthering it.. but this means more talking, more analysis and attempting to stretch it over the space 5 minutes which seems almost impossible. I've heard people say 5 minutes is a short amount of time.. I really disagree. Super disagree.
I can perform a pattern or spar for 3 minutes, do a grading in 30 amongst a group of at least 19 others, where if you make a mistake it's incredibly obvious, and I'll be incredibly nervous and rush everything. But speaking for 5 is about a million times more difficult than those. Just got to tell myself what I always do when I'm struggling with something - "get over yourself, you're being pathetic."

This feels like it turned into a rant more than an analysis of why I sucked... oops. I should probably work on that too haha.